[For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what to do next, when suddenly a barber came running down from the lane – she considered him a barber because he had a razor in his hand; otherwise, judging by his face only she would have called him a fish. He looked fishy, fishy like Dirty Sethu. Apologies: Lewis Carroll]
Nadarajah Sethurupan alias Dirty Sethu alias Chicken Oil Thief alias Urumpirai Pol Arrack Wallopper, alias a lot of other aliases loves Tamil movies and prawn vadais. May be he has come across Kavundamani and Senthil, the hilarious fools who can make nonsense quite entertaining. Human history is never complete if there are no fools for a variety but sometimes even the Creator may get mixed up and insert a bit of venom into a fool’s head.
He must have, otherwise we would not have had Dirty Sethu with so many aliases in our midst. A thoroughly mixed up bag of sadism with a combination of poison and folly, he derives tremendous joy publishing false news and identifying himself with the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam; two of a feather perhaps! We have it on authority from our sources inside Wanni transmitted by the Ludwigshafen Code that plans are afoot to replace Zoo-Paa with Dirty Sethu. This is what Pottu Amman his fifth cousin wanted done immediately. Punchi Puli acca too confirmed this story.
As compensation Pottar suggested Zoo-Paa is made Vice Chancellor of the University of Jaffna when the LTTE captures the peninsula. If that fails to materialize, a university will be founded for that purpose at Visuvamadu. Even before that, he may be conferred with the title, Dean of Tonsorial Sciences by the Institute of Desiyam founded by the Tiger Supremo. This institute has a unique motto: “Desiyam is I, I is desiyam.” Never in the history of humankind such a concept has been I-ded! A signboard marked “Desiyam” was seen near Mulliyawalai but the Groundhog Hole is elsewhere and unmarked to keep Karuna off the track.
Pottar wanted Dirty Sethu because someone quoted Shakespeare to him and said that he must have fools around him that are “sleep o’nights” otherwise he would become a target of Brutus and Cassius. Not that Pottar had heard of Shakespeare, Brutus or Cassius but since a Vietnamese guy who is serving on the Tiger Air Force who had studied in Stratford-on-Avon told him, he thought that was a great idea and went for Dirty Sethu.
This has naturally angered Zoo-Paa whose only folly is his inability to speak English and in recent times is believed to be conspiring with his brother and friends in Canada to take over the Wanni Bandit Zone. CMR Canada, however, discounted that story and added that Douglas Devananda colluding with Ananda Sangaree must have concocted it and told Dushy Ranetunge, the bane and bother of Dirty Sethu, Zoo-Paa. Erik Solheim, Tigergod and Constable General.
Zoo-Paa in the meantime is worried about Shakespeare, Brutus and Cassius and wanted to know whether they are in Jaffna and more particularly if they have been hired by Rajan and Jeevan Hoole to carry out a certain task. They could even be Anthony Bala’s hirelings he thought on occasions. Though he has five razors under his pillow, he is having some terrible nights. One night while in Oslo after the US Green Card holder Rudrakumaran declined to lead the team, Zoo-Paa dreamt a massive razor shaving off a large tree and it fell into a Norwegian fjord and disappeared out of sight in no time.
While in a British remand centre recently, Dirty Sethu seemed to have suggested to Rowdy Rajan that during one New Moon night in Wanni, the entrance, rather the hole, leading to Prabhakaran’s underworld realms should be sealed with concrete and tarred over. His link with Suthaharan, the proprietor of Time Travel in Colombo, he feels has great potentials to cause maximum possible mayhem.
Dirty Sethu gets all sorts of ideas. He even believed a prominent Sri Lankan journalist Dushy Ranetunge has had a heart attack and was about to leave this world. Of course he has reasons to expect such an eventuality. Because the US came hard on the LTTE on the Kebettigollewa savagery, Dirty Sethu has already sent a story to his Cemetery Bird (Sudalaikuruvi) Nitharsanam.
In a day or two Nitharsanam will announce that George Bush died during the Katrina floods last year when he happened to take a holiday in an orphanage and the person parading as George Bush in Washington now is a dummy. The real Bush is an inch above five feet but the dummy is five inches taller. How could a man shorter than Tony Blair be suddenly taller than the guy in Downing Street?
It is also reliably learnt that Pottar has given him a list of candidates for the ultimate job during the coming weeks and President Mahinda Rajapakse would be blamed for all the killings – in the Nitharsanam website of course and probably in Toronto’s CMR as well; already he has been blamed for the Kebettigollewa massacre. The political analyst of CMR is competing with Dirty Sethu for the Annual Fibbers Trophy April 1, 2007. This will be held in Oslo and Erik Solheim has already accepted the invitation to be the Guest of Honour.
A special guest at this function will be the former Attorney-General of Sri Lanka, Siva Pasupathy. Gini-Prof. Brian Seneviratne of Brisbane would make the welcome address; other invitees may include Daya Idaikadar of the United Kingdom, Nehru Guna of Canada, Vaiyapuri Gopalaswami of India, Chung Ching Chou of the Republic of Chickchunchang in the Urals, and in all probability, Ranil Wickremasinghe of Sri Lanka as well. Details of this ceremony will be published in the Thamils Information of Toronto, Canada and the one and only One Paper (Oru Paper) which won the Annual Fibbers Trophy last year.
Daya Idaikadar has already been told that he should not use that occasion to have one of his durbar stunts and that this ceremony has nothing to do with the neighbourhood issues of Harrow. Daya Idaikadar has the unique reputation of making the voters of Harrow believe that they were voting at General Elections in Sri Lanka and not at the British Local Council polls.
Idaikadar has every good reason to believe that he is the Member of Parliament for Harrow in the Sri Lankan House of Representatives. But before taking his seat there, he has to take the oaths in front of Zoo-Paa standing on one foot; that’s what the TNA chaps did when they took their oaths.
It is done in the best traditions of service that LTTE firmly believes in because someone who wants to serve his people must stand on one foot. Or carry an AK47 for instant service.
Incidentally, Dirty Sethu has gone back to Oslo after being released on bail by the Metropolitan Police in Harrow, UK. In Oslo, he has sworn that he will not honour the bail conditions placed on him. Why should he, for after all he is a law unto himself!
The latest information from Oslo is that Erik Solheim is seeking the services of an African Witch Doctor to treat Dirty Sethu’s mental conditions. There will be no difficulty in raising funds for such a mission and after all he is in Norway and is heavily involved with activities of one of the world’s most brutal and ruthless terror organizations.
Norway’s generosity to terrorists, Punchi Puli acca said shows their determined dedication to control global population especially in Third World countries and more especially in Sri Lanka. -Catapult Thangavelu on the Kappang Highway