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Toddy-starved Jayantha Gnanakone suffers mental aberrations

June 5, 2006

Catapult Thangavelu on the Kappang Highway

Jayantha Gnanakone has returned from his Galapagos exile rather prematurely because he is concerned Eelam is going to be divided into three parts, one for the USA, the other for the European Union and India will take the lion share. The north and east has such resources as oil, gas, mineral sands and of course there are the Palaly airport and Trincomalee harbour and these powerful nations on earth are now totally focused on Sri Lanka. In Galapagos he was counting tortoises.

Talking to local pressman in his home in the US, Jayantha Gnanakone said: “LTTE has never been, nor ever will be a terrorist organization and a threat to the other nations except for Sri Lanka. Even the Rajiv Gandhi incident even if it was the LTTE being responsible, is related to an internal matter of 10,000 Indian troops raping and killing in the north and east for several years.

And he goes on and on like a little boy who has lost his marbles; and this is not for the first time he lost his marbles. He has been doing this for so long that even his family has now got in touch with Zoo-Paa for the services of Chief Uluththankali, the African witch doctor from the Republic of Chad for his services.

Evidently this witch doctor has done a great job with Zoo-Paa because he was able to take flight to Oslo under the pretext of talking something there but mainly to bring back to the Wanni Bandit Zone some weapons of destruction. It appears the Colombo customs will not check his baggage on his return.

Chief Uluththankali, however, has stated that Jayantha Gnanakone suffers a certain illness that surfaces only periodically and is classified as “Kumblichan Kumblikoodu” which in an African tongue means “Random aberrations” caused by a tongue that twists and turns much more than for a normal person. The chief indicated regrettably that this is beyond cure and generally it is hereditary.

Chief Uluththankali said it could be controlled to some extent by a certain food that involves eating three times a day a pasty mix of semi-roasted black gram flour mixed with coconut milk. He should not eat anything else. He also felt sorry for Jayantha Gnanakone for his inability to help him for the extreme nature of his condition is unique medical science. He said: “If it is beyond African traditional medicine, then there is no chance for a cure anywhere.”

In the meantime, Jayantha Gnanakone unable to control his tongue has predicted that a sleeping giant is going to wake up and give a thundering clout to President Mahinda Rajapakse. The sleeping giant is the size of one million people of the Tamil Diaspora put together and only just a few parts of this monster are non-functional.

Random aberrations cause all sorts of illusions and delusions and in the case of Jayantha Gnanakone, George Washington has come back to earth and is residing in a hole in Wanni waiting for an opportune moment to drive all the people of Sri Lanka opposed to his line of thinking – that is Jayantha Gnanakone’s – into the Indian Ocean at somewhere near Tissamaharama. It is only then Sri Lanka will be fit for habitation for the Gnanakone family returning from wherever they are now widely scattered and obviously where they feel uncomfortable and starved for all the goodies that they were used to before they fled the country for fear of their lives from the Tamil Tigers.

They never liked Tamil and they never liked the Tigers. But they loved the palmyrah toddy and all the delicacies that went with it under the palmyrah palm.

A wise man once said that milk served in an unclean cup makes it unfit for human consumption.

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